My F'ed up night last night - I've had enough of cold decks and coolers

Dawn's talking about doom switch. My doom switch was on full blast last night, yet somehow, I was only able to manage a 2 buy in loss. This is so F'ed!

Full Tilt Poker $0.25/$0.50 No Limit Hold'em - 8 players
The Official DeucesCracked.com Hand History Converter

UTG+1: $55.35
MP1: $62.70
MP2: $70.75
CO: $50.00
BTN: $50.00
SB: $47.00
Hero (BB): $109.45
UTG: $71.75

Pre Flop: ($0.75) Hero is BB with As Ad
1 fold, UTG+1 raises to $1.50, 5 folds, Hero raises to $5.50, UTG+1 calls $4
Because calling a $5.50 3bet with a 100BB stack is EV+.

Flop: ($11.25) 2d 2s 5c (2 players)
Hero bets $6.50, UTG+1 calls $6.50

Turn: ($24.25) 8d (2 players)
Hero checks, UTG+1 checks

River: ($24.25) Ac (2 players)
Hero bets $24, UTG+1 raises to $43.35 all in, Hero calls $19.35

Final Pot: $110.95
UTG+1 shows 2h 2c (four of a kind, Twos)
Hero mucks As Ad
UTG+1 wins $107.95
(Rake: $3.00)
I should fold Aces full. I need to fear quads. THat should *ALWAYS* be a consideration. lgfasahasdfiggu0934wu5342iuuoigjkrl;g

Full Tilt Poker $0.25/$0.50 No Limit Hold'em - 8 players
The Official DeucesCracked.com Hand History Converter

UTG+1: $45.25
MP1: $53.20
MP2: $54.80
Hero (CO): $59.70
BTN: $17.50
SB: $15.60
BB: $103.20
UTG: $52.55

Pre Flop: ($0.75) Hero is CO with Qs Qd
4 folds, Hero raises to $1.75, 1 fold, SB calls $1.50, 1 fold

Flop: ($4.00) Ah Qh Ac (2 players)
SB checks, Hero bets $2, SB calls $2

Turn: ($8.00) 9s (2 players)
SB checks, Hero bets $11.85, SB calls $11.85 all in

River: ($31.70) Th (2 players - 1 is all in)

Final Pot: $31.70
Hero shows Qs Qd (a full house, Queens full of Aces)
SB shows Ad Qc (a full house, Aces full of Queens)
SB wins $30.15
(Rake: $1.55)
I should fold Queens full. Aces full of queens should always be a consideration. Nay; I should be folding because I should expect quad Aces! BECAUSE MY 1 in 13 flopped sets don't even F*ING HOLD UP hLK:AJFL:KHSSDGSDGKGHLKGJKSGYOIUY

This guy has been pushing any pair any time. Why do I get a hand where he hits a set:
Full Tilt Poker $0.25/$0.50 No Limit Hold'em - 8 players
The Official DeucesCracked.com Hand History Converter

BB: $48.25
UTG: $39.35
UTG+1: $105.50
MP1: $22.65
Hero (MP2): $66.90
CO: $50.00
BTN: $17.50
SB: $24.80

CO posts a big blind ($0.50)

Pre Flop: ($1.25) Hero is MP2 with Ad 4h
3 folds, Hero raises to $2.25, 3 folds, BB calls $1.75

Flop: ($5.25) 4c 4d 8d (2 players)
BB checks, Hero bets $3.50, BB raises to $9, Hero calls $5.50

Turn: ($23.25) Kc (2 players)
BB bets $15, Hero raises to $55.65 all in, BB calls $22 all in

River: ($97.25) 6h (2 players - 2 are all in)

Final Pot: $97.25
BB shows 8h 8s (a full house, Eights full of Fours)
Hero shows Ad 4h (three of a kind, Fours)
BB wins $94.25
(Rake: $3.00)

Not only does he hit one of his 5 outs, but he boats on top of it!
Full Tilt Poker $0.25/$0.50 No Limit Hold'em - 8 players
The Official DeucesCracked.com Hand History Converter

CO: $25.00
BTN: $44.10
SB: $50.00
Hero (BB): $53.05
UTG: $54.10
UTG+1: $28.15
MP1: $75.90
MP2: $25.00

Pre Flop: ($0.75) Hero is BB with Qs Qc
3 folds, MP2 raises to $1, 1 fold, BTN calls $1, 1 fold, Hero raises to $5, MP2 calls $4, BTN calls $4

Flop: ($15.25) Jc Th 7s (3 players)
Hero bets $8.75, MP2 folds, BTN raises to $39.10 all in, Hero calls $30.35

Turn: ($93.45) Ad (2 players - 1 is all in)

River: ($93.45) Ah (2 players - 1 is all in)

Final Pot: $93.45
BTN shows Js Ac (a full house, Aces full of Jacks)
Hero shows Qs Qc (two pair, Aces and Queens)
BTN wins $90.45
(Rake: $3.00) - I love stacking off with Top pair Top Kicker for 100 BBs! This is great playing. I'm so glad you're rewarded with the stellar play!

LOL! Reward the donkeys!!! I forgot about the 'ole float the naked Ace trick:
Full Tilt Poker $0.25/$0.50 No Limit Hold'em - 9 players
The Official DeucesCracked.com Hand History Converter

MP1: $57.30
MP2: $51.00
CO: $23.85
BTN: $68.55
SB: $35.20
Hero (BB): $92.10
UTG: $47.85
UTG+1: $30.60
UTG+2: $83.65

Pre Flop: ($0.75) Hero is BB with Th Jd
1 fold, UTG+1 calls $0.50, 5 folds, SB calls $0.25, Hero checks

Flop: ($1.50) Td Kd Qc (3 players)
SB checks, Hero bets $1, UTG+1 calls $1, SB folds
LAG only has an inside straight draw to the Jack. There's only 3 remaining (if he hits his Ace, I have the straight).

Turn: ($3.50) Qd (2 players)
Hero bets $2, UTG+1 calls $2
He increases his outs on the turn to 6 (3 kings and 3 jacks) - 12% equity to the river!

River: ($7.50) Ks (2 players)
Hero checks, UTG+1 checks
Gotta love it. Although, admittedly, I probably should be betting here and likely could have taken it down.

Final Pot: $7.50
Hero shows Th Jd (two pair, Kings and Queens)
UTG+1 shows 7c As (two pair, Kings and Queens)
UTG+1 wins $7.15
(Rake: $0.35)

Because you're putting me on exactly an underpair:
Full Tilt Poker $0.25/$0.50 No Limit Hold'em - 9 players
The Official DeucesCracked.com Hand History Converter

SB: $55.55
BB: $51.00
UTG: $23.85
UTG+1: $70.40
UTG+2: $32.70
Hero (MP1): $84.15
MP2: $51.10
CO: $39.60
BTN: $79.90

Pre Flop: ($0.75) Hero is MP1 with 4s 4c
3 folds, Hero raises to $1.75, MP2 calls $1.75, 1 fold, BTN calls $1.75, 2 folds

Flop: ($6.00) 7d 2c 9h (3 players)
Hero checks, MP2 checks, BTN checks
Looking for a check / raise. No dice.

Turn: ($6.00) 6h (3 players)
Hero bets $3, MP2 calls $3, BTN folds
I'm putting these guys on exactly nothing.

River: ($12.00) Ah (2 players)
Hero checks, MP2 bets $6, Hero calls $6

Final Pot: $24.00
Hero mucks 4s 4c
MP2 shows Ac 5c (a pair of Aces)
MP2 wins $22.80
(Rake: $1.20)
afhakjl;s'dhgkjkbdhfklj;dh;lkfdhglkhddfl;khdf

Because a 52/5 loose passive has to hit against me too:
Full Tilt Poker $0.25/$0.50 Pot Limit Hold'em - 9 players
The Official DeucesCracked.com Hand History Converter

Hero (UTG): $67.30
UTG+1: $52.75
UTG+2: $49.50
MP1: $25.75
MP2: $20.20
CO: $52.20
BTN: $50.00
SB: $52.85
BB: $54.50

Pre Flop: ($0.75) Hero is UTG with As Kc
Hero raises to $1.75, 3 folds, MP2 calls $1.75, 4 folds

Flop: ($4.25) 5s 3h Ah (2 players)
Hero bets $2.50, MP2 calls $2.50
I put him on exactly what he has; a weak Ace. I just need to learn to fold my Top / top because against anyone and their grandmother, it just ain't no good.

Turn: ($9.25) Ts (2 players)
Hero bets $6, MP2 calls $6

River: ($21.25) 9d (2 players)
Hero bets $10, MP2 calls $9.95 all in

Final Pot: $41.15
Hero shows As Kc (a pair of Aces)
MP2 shows 3d Ad (two pair, Aces and Threes)
MP2 wins $39.10
(Rake: $2.05)
HOLY SDLJ:KGGJKLK:J"GK"L:GKLJHG:KLHFDJ:GFKF:LHKL:FJkhadfhyt9548vhv

And the hits keep rolling!!!! A 50/50 who is stealing. I take a stand. And my boat is crushed.
Full Tilt Poker $0.25/$0.50 No Limit Hold'em - 5 players
The Official DeucesCracked.com Hand History Converter

Hero (BTN): $62.10
SB: $28.00
BB: $78.70
UTG: $57.55
CO: $50.00

Pre Flop: ($0.75) Hero is BTN with Qh 9c
1 fold, CO raises to $1.75, Hero raises to $5, 2 folds, CO calls $3.25

Flop: ($10.75) Jh 9h 9d (2 players)
CO checks, Hero checks

Turn: ($10.75) 7h (2 players)
CO bets $7.50, Hero calls $7.50

River: ($25.75) Qs (2 players)
CO bets $23.50, Hero raises to $47, CO calls $14 all in

Final Pot: $100.75
Hero shows Qh 9c (a full house, Nines full of Queens)
CO shows Jc Js (a full house, Jacks full of Nines)
CO wins $97.75
(Rake: $3.00)
He got up immediately after this hand.

This is a fun one: a 6 outer
Full Tilt Poker $0.25/$0.50 No Limit Hold'em - 7 players
The Official DeucesCracked.com Hand History Converter

BB: $10.15
Hero (UTG): $63.90
UTG+1: $51.15
MP: $51.65
CO: $22.80
BTN: $53.80
SB: $75.25

Pre Flop: ($0.75) Hero is UTG with 6h 6c
Hero raises to $1.75, 2 folds, CO calls $1.75, 1 fold, SB raises to $3, BB calls $2.50, Hero calls $1.25, CO calls $1.25

Flop: ($12.00) Td 7d 4c (4 players)
SB bets $1, BB raises to $7.15 all in, Hero calls $7.15, CO folds, SB folds

Turn: ($27.30) 2h (2 players - 1 is all in)

River: ($27.30) Ah (2 players - 1 is all in)

Final Pot: $27.30
BB shows Ad Kc (a pair of Aces) - Because AK high is DAH NUTS!!!
Hero shows 6h 6c (a pair of Sixes)
BB wins $25.95
(Rake: $1.35)

Because God knows why this guy is calling; Q3s is hard to fold on the turn with no draws:
Full Tilt Poker $0.25/$0.50 No Limit Hold'em - 9 players
The Official DeucesCracked.com Hand History Converter

UTG+2: $50.00
MP1: $96.35
MP2: $25.00
CO: $53.80
Hero (BTN): $67.85
SB: $24.05
BB: $11.00
UTG: $12.60
UTG+1: $53.00

Pre Flop: ($0.75) Hero is BTN with Qd Kh
6 folds, Hero raises to $1.50, SB calls $1.25, 1 fold

Flop: ($3.50) 9d 5c 5h (2 players)
SB checks, Hero bets $1.50, SB calls $1.50

Turn: ($6.50) 8s (2 players)
SB checks, Hero bets $2.50, SB calls $2.50

River: ($11.50) 3d (2 players) - 6% chance of hitting. SIX PERCENT!
SB checks, Hero checks

Final Pot: $11.50
Hero shows Qd Kh (a pair of Fives)
SB shows 3h Qh (two pair, Fives and Threes)
SB wins $10.95
(Rake: $0.55)