A letter to the poker Gods

Dear sirs (or ma'ams),

Please know that I am repenting for whatever misdeeds I have done in the past.  Please be assured that those acts are behind me now - whatever bad poker behaviors and plays that I've made that you disagree with.  I'm trying to reform to become a better poker player in your image.  The cold decks and suckouts are starting to really get to my psyche.  Do you really have to drop two pair on me on the river when we're all in on the turn?  Yes, I am humbled by your power to conjure up the worst possible cards in the deck.  Yes, I respect the fact that you can do this even when I'm not all in.  I also acknowledge the fact that the pendulum swings both ways; I shouldn't draw to straights or flushes even when I'm getting proper odds to do so - I should just fold 'em.  FWIW, I do so much appreciate you letting me win the pot with AA vs. 66 AIPF, but please stop allowing the fish to runner runner backdoor straight draw me on the river!  So please turn off that doom switch that you have in the "on" position and let me run like a normal person.

Thanks!

Poker Meister